A Sex Party for Women Only

The idea of a sex party for women only was something I simply couldn’t fathom. I had to challenge some of my own assumptions about female sexuality. We have been taught that women are less visual, more likely to require an emotional or romantic connection before becoming intimate, and somehow less sexually spontaneous. Yet what I was hearing from the founder of Skirt Club, Genevieve LeJeune, completely challenged that narrative.

I had interviewed her for my podcast, and as she described the very first parties and what happened at them, I found myself creating an entire scene in my imagination. There was also this hilarious feature on social media called Lost Property, where, the day after a party, they would gather up the missing pieces of lingerie, toys and random belongings and post them online to see who they belonged to. It wasn’t simply a clever ploy to create content. The lost property was real, and it made the whole thing even more intriguing. It was enough to make someone who hadn’t even attended one of the parties curious. And I was definitely one of those people.

As she spoke, I pictured a room full of women in lingerie, boudoir and fetish wear, exploring their sexuality and each other. For some women, it was their very first woman-to-woman experience. I’d been with women in the past, and I wondered what it might have been like for me to experience something like this, where it wasn’t about dating or what might happen afterwards. It was about being present, living the moment and having an experience within a safe environment.

Those images stayed in my mind. Then, a couple of months later, I couldn’t believe that I was actually being invited to experience it for myself.

I was invited to the Sex Magic Retreat in a castle just outside Paris, where I would be presenting my book, Orgasmic Manifestation. I was incredibly excited about the opportunity. And although I’m usually a bit of a control freak when it comes to travel, planning and knowing exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going, I surrendered control of the organisation and simply let things flow.

I’m so glad I did.

Of course, what I saw and experienced at the retreat must remain within the walls of that 15th-century castle, because what happens at Skirt Club stays at Skirt Club. With a global community of around 27,000 members, privacy is incredibly important, especially when people are exploring intimacy and sexuality.

What I can share is what was happening in my own mind, and some of the things I experienced for myself.

Let’s just say that many of my assumptions about female sexuality were challenged.

It was beautiful to witness. It felt like a genuine celebration of the pussy and of female sexuality, but what struck me most was the sense of safety. Spending around three days in an exclusively female environment was unlike anything I’d experienced before. I can’t underline enough how important that feeling of safety was.

For many women, safety is the container that allows them to truly express themselves sexually, and I was no exception.

Some of the activities centred around self-exploration, exploring with another person, sharing fantasies and discovering different forms of intimacy. There was so much complicity and connection. I’ve always been fascinated by Tantra, particularly the practices that encourage intimacy that doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual, especially with people you have only just met.

Before entering this world, I had some prejudices and misconceptions about what that kind of intimacy might mean. I thought it would almost be sacrilegious to share certain intimate experiences with people I barely knew, because I’d always associated that kind of intimacy with people I knew very well.

But I realised it doesn’t have to be that way.

Sometimes you can look someone in the eye without even remembering their name, yet remember what they told you. You remember the secret fantasy they whispered in your ear. You remember how they made you feel.

Those things can be incredibly precious, and worth cherishing.

It’s funny because I actually don’t own a skirt, but the name Skirt Club certainly creates a very specific image. During the play party, though, I didn’t see many skirts at all. I saw lingerie, kimonos and lots of smiling faces. I saw people opening themselves up to conversations and creating an atmosphere where something could unfold.

It became playful, erotic and intimate.

And, of course, there were many levels to the experience. For people who are completely new to this world, as many Skirt Club members are, everything can be incredibly gentle. Consent is fundamental, as are boundaries and safe words.

Some of the things I experienced included eye gazing, breathing together, sharing fantasies in groups and seeing fantasies brought to life through consensual role play. There was whispered intimacy, stroking hair, caressing and witnessing other people indulge in what can only be described as a celebration of sensual desire.

And I remember thinking: Wow. This is incredible.

Being a witness to that felt very special. I even thought about some of my male friends who would probably have loved to be a fly on the wall. I felt privileged to be there, and I don’t take that for granted.

There was space for worship, for kink and for different forms of intimacy. You could move around and choose what you felt like experiencing. And if you wanted to simply watch, that was okay too, provided the people being watched were comfortable with being watched. Consent really is that important.

I’m not currently in a particularly sapphic stage of my life, but I can definitely appreciate someone stroking my hair, my skin or my back. I’m a little bit of a pussy cat. I love being stroked, touched and appreciated. I also have a huge appreciation for the female form, and that isn’t always sexual. Sometimes it’s simply sensual.

I appreciate the softness. The playfulness. The beauty.

And I can’t underline enough the kind of partner-in-crime energy that can be generated in a space like this. It wasn’t simply about connecting with one other person. There were group dynamics happening too, and that challenged another one of my assumptions about female sexuality.

One of the things I love most about being in the world of sexuality is that, even after so many years of experience, knowledge and creating content about sex, I still manage to learn.

I still feel like a novice sometimes.

And I love that.

There are always things I haven’t experienced. Things I haven’t considered. Things I don’t yet understand.

For me, that has to be one of the most essential ingredients for aliveness: knowing that I don’t know.

Because knowing that I don’t know means there is always room for curiosity.

There is always room for exploration.

And there is always another discovery waiting to surprise me.